finding happiness one habit at a time

I believe in you...

2011-10-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

I was in tears when I heard Neil Young perform this song... I hadn't enjoyed a live concert in years and Neil made me feel music again. It's funny how much words can change your day and your outcome... I have some amazing friends and I don't always get to see them or tell them this but just knowing the challenges they have overcome they remind me that I can and I will... It's that simple.

PS the lighting was amazing! :o)

Now that you found yourself losing your mind
Are you here again?
Finding that what you once thought was real
Is gone, and changing?

Now that you made yourself love me
Do you think I can change it in a day?
How can I place you above me?
Am I lying to you when I say
That I believe in you
I believe in you.

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.

2011-10-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

cold wet nose

and a great big heart

with unconditional love

living in the moment

with no judgements

you were the rescue

and you rescued me.

lost without directions

my walls up high

you comforted me

you repaired my heart

over and over again

taught me how to love

reminded me to smile

I never thought walking out the door that morning that would be my last goodbye. It was early and I had a flight to catch and you always did like to sleep in. I recall you didn't really even want to give me a kiss but I being the only thing more stubborn then you won that battle. I walked out the door and that was it... I've always hated goodbyes the last time I saw my mother I ran into the house three times and hugged her while Kate sat with the car ready to go in her green Chevy impala you'll be back in a few weeks for the wedding she said but I knew better... Something had told me that this was it and I kept running back inside to get the good bye right... but Biggie must have been the one to know... he waited... he waited for Nate to return home. The vets didn't even know. You had all the right tests run yet you waited till you were cleared... I guess you were just tired and maybe ready to take that big nap in the sky. I can tell you I was not... I was not prepared for nor looking back would I have ever been. You knew this after all you knew me better then anyone. It was you who entered my life the Easter after mom passed. You found me. Lost and needing a home. Rescued they say... so foolish as you rescued me. That first mothers day you licked away my tears and you just sat with me. I never had to be anything but me for you. You defined unconditional love. When I got the call at six am from Nate and he handed me to the vet the second he said your stomach had flipped, I stumbled into the front lounge and dropped to my knees. I was so scared and so alone in that moment. I managed to finally get words out. Biggie wasn't in pain he was on morphine... mom was on morphine... searching for the ability to just breathe I realized the only option, sadness and questions I have so much... the what ifs and the whys... I tired to say good bye to you on the phone but I was crying so hard I question if the words where forming and if you even knew it was me. Nate said you perked up when you heard my voice... I told Biggie when he got to heaven that there would be a lady named Mae there that never really cared much for dogs but that she would look after him for me. Biggie was more to me then "just a dog" he was my whole world.. he was my heart, my angel flying to close to the ground.

Before I left for tour I was able to spend six months with Biggie and for that I am eternally grateful. He was a 13 and a half year old English Bulldog so walks had to be slowed down and shorter. He took time to sniff the air and feel the wind. He smiled with each step. He was proud. He loved company and loved napping with his buddy Nate. You see each day when a dog awakes he's not worried about what to wear or how his hair looks or that extra five pounds. It's simple they live in the moment, they don't judge and they love unconditionally. Simple needs Food, Water, Shelter and Love. Sounds like a pretty good plan to me. Here we go one step at a time...

SIGN OF LIFE.

2011-04-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I mention my friend Hilary and how you would have to wait to hear her story well if you haven't already picked this up then just click on the link below.

It took me awhile to get the courage up to read this one since it's based around her accident. It's tough to read and not get emotional when the story is true and about people you know and love. The name of the book is also the name of a song Hilary co-wrote with my old Nashville roomie Blu Sanders. You can pick it up on itunes. :o)

Hi My Name is Angela and I am a Roadie.

2011-03-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

A few days before the big blizzard hit I was out walking the snowtorious B.I.G and the neighbor in the single family home two houses to my right struck up a converstion with me. It started light with my he's a big guy. Biggie is a little overwhelming he's a 75 pound English Bulldog. Her little dog Lucy was enjoying running up and then running away from Biggie. She noted that I was new to the neighborhood which I confirmed and mentioned buying that place over there. Pointed to said condo where for sale sign once lived. Biggie and I kept walking down the sidewalk and on the return she asked the job question. My response was simple... I'm an Independent Contractor. She follwed that with oh in what field and I responsed with Live Touring Production. pauses akward silence.... confused looks and finally I said I travel with various live entertainment shows.... and just as I saw her look of complete terror I drop... "I'm a roadie." She gets it oh "you travel with the rock bands from place to place oh I see. Anyone I know?" We shared a few laughs over my past employers and said good-bye. Biggie and I walked back into the house and it hits me "I'm a roadie." Seriously that's my job.

RAW but not the WWF Smackdown! kind...

2011-02-06T21:57:00.000-08:00

"Lately I've been glaring into mirrors picking myself apart you'd think at my age I'd thought of something better to do than making insecurity into a full time job making insecurity into an art."

-Ani DiFranco

This past Monday-Wednesday I drank water... I ate no food and I drank nothing but ionized filtered water for three days. I faced my demons. I didn't just wake up and say I think I will give a water fast a go... It was all apart of my last 30 Days... Nate gave me a raw food detox as a Christmas gift. I've battled with some skin issues for almost five years. I've tried everything and no one has any answers. In 2009 while in Hong Kong, I saw a chinese herbalist who told me two things he said you have butterfly pattern you need to be tested for lupis and you no eat the heated foods. I assumed he meant look little girl you must learn to stay away from the wasabi... Turns out he meant heated as in cooked. Those who know me know I stopped eating meat when I was around 16. Stories vary on why from the more commonly told there was a big scare about eating meat causing cancer to the less told "I was at Hardee's and my Hamburger moo'd at me." Moral of the story I have been off the meat for 21 years. I am bringing this up to confirm what most of you already know I'm a hippie, Love the animals so not eating meat is easy. No caffiene and by NO I mean not even decaf. I started weening myself off coffee back in Mid-October so that was actually a matter of just switching to the herbals and learning about the super food maca. So that really just left my biggest addiction. SUGAR. They say that coming off sugar is like coming off of heroin. Lucky for me I've found stevia (it's not sugar)... They also still allow natural sugars like agave and palm sugars etc... non processed. So it's not ZERO sugar but it's not my normal Quentin Tarantino amount of sugar in my coffee...you know I like a side of coffee with my sugar. Moving on...So week one they prepare three raw food meals for you including a raw food dessert. You drop about 5-8pds. Week two you scale down to two raw food meals and you have more clear snot come out of your nose then you every thought possible. Week three you are having one raw food meal and smoothies and the snot turns into a tons of emotional drainage and you learn things like say to those I shut out in the past trust me it wasn't you and the so I am not always right... sighs oh and then on the last week you fast. This means juice (green juice) or Water. I chose to do three days of water. Three is a big number it's the magic number. Now please keep in mind that I have gone 14 days of just drinking UltraClear as a part of the let's figure out what else you are allergic to plan and that when I set my mind to it I am like a Bulldog... I set my eyes on the prize. The prize my health. I'm not going to lie it's not easy. In fact your smells are on high alert so when someone cooks a pizza you smell it 100% more. (this may have to do with the draining of the snot.) Anyway... Day four I added back juice Day Five smoothie Day Six spinach leaves and some fresh lemon juice... That leads us to the NOW. (or to yesterday(s) depending on when you read this) I will continue eating raw food for the next 7 days... I picked up some goodies that I am allowed to add back in: a bag of cacao powder for my smoothies and some raw oatmeal items. I'm also very anxious to try my hand at making a few raw meals. My meals up to this point have been prepared as a part of the cleanse. Which was good/bad... nice to not have to think about it but bad when you are faced with an item you really rather just toss in the bin. Anyway, so Nate and I are going out with friends on Sunday and I'm sure that will involve cooked foods... and let's get real touring isn't easy when it comes to allergies. (Unless of course, I'm with my Lat45 brothers - they always make sure I have something Gluten free) I do think the only non vegan item I would add back in at this point would be goats cheese... If you've had the sweet potato fries and goats cheese dip at uncommon ground you would fully understand this statement. So on to the Results...

My energy level's are better, My skin is clearer, My thinking is less clouded and I'm finally breaking through years of building up walls. *breathes*

So This is me Raw Foods on Day 29 - Right after a workout and with no make up! :o)

“I’ve got myself a new mantra, It says ‘Don’t forget to have a good-time.’"-Ani DiFranco

I only allow that which is good into my life...

2010-09-10T17:28:00.000-07:00

I've been learning about what I don't need in my life this year.
I guess I was finally open to learning that lesson...
I think it might have to do with discovering/accepting my own self-worth.
I've recently learned that...

No one can depress you.

No one can make you anxious.

No one can hurt your feelings.

No one can make you anything other than what you allow inside.

It's just that simple. I seem to have almost lost sight of the fact that You control your life. NO ONE else does. YOU. You have the power to Stand Back Up and say "No Thanks." which also gives you the power to say "Yes, Please."

some where along the way I've lost my way...

2010-08-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

How many times have you said cruel things... almost unspeakable things... the kind of things you would never speak to your own child (fur or human) yet you speak them freely to yourself. Most people can admit they are there own worse critic. To be honest there is almost nothing you can say to me that I haven't already internally attacked myself on esp. if I feel I have failed you. I've had some time to really listen to those thoughts we push away and I have to say I haven't been very nice to myself. I even started verbally remarking to myself about not being enough this or not being enough that. You get the picture. It's not pretty. We are taught from a young age to judge ourselves and others... The Media tells us what we should wear, how skinny we need to be (Miss Monroe was a Dress Size of 12/14/16 and now a Size 0/2/4 is the hollywood norm.) I'm honestly done with it. I'm done with the he said she said you don't you should... I'm ready for the challenge of living life on my terms...deep breathe... I forgive myself for any harm I may have caused to myself and... and...I am... I am Beautiful! :o)

healthy boundaries...

2010-06-06T22:17:00.000-07:00

People tell me things... People who don't even know me tell me things. Personal things. Life things. The cashier at Kroger felt the need to tell me she had her nails done for Prom. All I did was smile and say they looked nice and the next ten items or less scans I learned her prom date had not only bailed on her but knocked up this other girl and is now going to marry her. My response at least you found out now and let's face it they'll be divorced in a year and if he comes crawling back to you do yourself a favor and just say no.

The stranger danger factor is easy for me to shake... They don't corner me at my desk, they don't have my cell phone number so when I walk away it's done.

However and I really hope this isn't going to turn into a "you're so vain you probably think this song is about you moment." as YOU are not the only person who dumps on me and YOU need to realize this post is not about YOU it's about ME. I'm sick of the he said-she said-but you said- and why don't you say- perhaps I sound selfish but at what point do I stand up and say enough. Look I get it you don't like them well guess what they don't like you and as little as I want to hear you talk about them on the flip I want to hear it even less from them and at the end of that day... and yeah I think you got handed the short end of the stick on that deal but holding onto that negativity isn't helping anyone and honestly I don't care. I think at one point in my life I really did and I really wanted to fix - to repair - to maintain... I'm finally to a point in my life that I can walk away. I need to learn healthy boundaries. I need to learn to say enough. To learn it's not my fight... and at the end of the day you've never once asked me... you just want to tell me to feed to your own ego. Go spew your negative energy somewhere else I have a LIFE to live. :o)

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone."

Carrot Juice and God.

2010-05-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes she appears in my dreams and we have the most amazing conversations that I can't remember when I arise I just know that she's stopped by. It's not very often that she appears but she does it from time to time I think mainly to let me know that she misses me as much as I miss her. It always makes me wonder how life would be different if she were still here. If we'd go weeks without talking only to talk on the phone for a few minutes cause we're all so "busy" and I wonder If she is proud of me. If she would understand and accept the choices that I have made in my life. I still to this day reach out to the phone and try to dial her number... with hopes. It angers me that I didn't have the chance to ask her questions about "grown up" life and if I am doing it all wrong? Sometimes I wonder if I do enough? or if I do to much?

I can be so strong when it comes to talking about her... most days... but mothers day guts me. I'm not sure if it's the marketing the in your face reminder or if it's a simple memory of mothers day cards that I so often hand crafted for her out of construction or maybe it's the awareness that she really is gone. Regardless of what it is my heart is full of love today cause I was blessed to have a mom. a strong christian mother who taught me strength and the ability to look at things for the good. To let go and let God. To take life one day at a time. Oh and that a little Carrot Juice isn't going to hurt anyone.

Happy Mother's Day. If your mom is still alive give her a big hug for me the kind where you don't let go right away and you hold onto and you remember. After all if it wasn't for mommas we wouldn't be here. :o)

Stillness Speaks

2010-03-14T18:32:00.001-07:00

"Leave life alone. Let it be." - Eckhart Tolle

Friendship

2010-01-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

My mother use to always tell me that God puts us right where we need to be. Today I new that was true when I hugged an old friend. It was suppose to be over coffee but God had other plans. :o)

2000 to 2010

2010-01-03T07:47:00.001-08:00

10 years ago I was still hung over from Y2-OK. It was the first full year of "our" marriage. "we" lived in Chicago. It was the first year I would have to learn to live without being able to pick up the phone to call my mother. It was also the year I would have to accept the fact that my father married my mother's sister. I was lost. I was scared. I was very much alone even when I had people around me. I drank to forget. I stumbled through... we all watched with horror as the home land was attacked... "we" had just moved to New Mexico (for his work) and I was home alone when Marlon called to tell me to turn on the TV. I sat in the closet with Biggie not sure where to go or what to do until it was time to go to class... Life slowed down people everywhere started being a little nicer. I bought a Harley and learned to ride it, I finished my college degree. "we" moved to Paris, Arkansas (for his work) "we" gutted a house and tried to hold on to what was left. Half way into that decade I gave up and said good bye to "we" so "he" could always remain a friend. *side note that's harder to type then I thought* I began a journey on my own... I got by with a little help from my friends. I spent a few night's at the Larese's, I lived on Shevy's sofa, The Worlow's opened up thier guest room and I slowly began to rebuild myself. A year in a rental house with my amazing friend Blu and then in Octobor of 2006 I took a big leap and bought a house only to be fired (for the first time ever in my life) one month later. *that was a harder hit then I would ever admit* I was thankful to my friend Joe who taught me the baby steps I stood back up dusted off my pride and jumped back in. I slung cotton and snapped some photos and honestly just regained my sanity. slowly. I started making it happen. I found out what happens when you don't take good care of yourself (fyi you end up in the ER with a BIg bill) I put down the bottle and I repaired my relationship with God. I found love again... found out how far it can really test you and how strong it can be if you hold on. I reconnected with those who I had lost and although they may not realize they make me smile with the most simple status updates or the "thumbs up" of a photo and they all helped in many ways to keep me sane as I left the comfort of Nashville (USA) for work. I traveled farther which allowed me to I find out that at the end of the day Home really is HOME SWEET HOME.

In 2010...

I want to chose my words a little better. . I will speak up. I will learn to ENJOY life and NOT STRESS about what is next. I will Learn to TRUST and to BELIEVE in myself and those around me. I will RUN phycially and not mentally.

New Year

2010-01-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

2010 & 2009

It's January 1, 2010. Feeling pretty good about it. Not sure why just seems to be good. I started with getting the first flight of the year out of the way then going direct from BNA to my friend Carolyn's house for her ease into the New Year party. Carolyn is an amazing woman who I realized tonight that I have "been knowing now" for over TEN years! :-) Snell is the reason I started blogging and she is the reason I got back in to touring. I heart her. I just needed to share.

Standing up, Sitting down and no I'm not talking about Mass.

2009-11-21T07:10:00.000-08:00

It's recently been brought to my attention that I am not very good at something... I know... Don't faint... turns out I'm not very keen on asking for help. They say the first step is admitting right. so There it is. :o) Nothing more for now...

Right back where you started from is where you belong...

2009-07-21T10:37:00.001-07:00

Walking to my seat I passed front of house and glanced over to the mix position. When I arrived to my seat, house left on second row (Thanks DC), I looked and noticed the video wall, next it was the spot ops hanging out in the truss about ten of them, the details in the Tait staging... the movement and the colors of the lights, the monitor mix position and the use of wedges and not in ears... the ushers, the security... Then my focus turned to the crowd... there was a guy in front of me with a Big K- Kmart hat with his girlfriend or wife.. Elton was busting out a not as well know tune and he knew when the drums hit he knew when the guitar came in he was on his feet and standing and he was conducting that song... his girlfriend/wife was laughing at him but he carried on. I realized then that I was now standing and clapping along my focus turned to Elton's hands as they flowed over the keys... he mentions the greatest Rock -n-Roll woman ever to live and states "I'm not talking about Janis Joplin, I'm talking about Nashville's own Brenda Lee. The crowd goes wild and the sweet gray haired woman in the seat next to me stands up all four foot eight inches... and waves as Elton begins "Blue jean baby..." It was in this moment that I felt a smile on my face that went ear to ear...as Billy began his set I left my seat and walked backstage to grab a water and help my friend pack up his cases and we sat in the production office and shared a few yawns and a laughs. However for just awhile I forgot about drivers, dressing rooms, runners, bus-stock, catering, fluff and fold, after show food...and I needed a reminder from that angle. I'm home now but I will be out again soon on the circus...I guess it's true that sometimes right back where you started from is where you belong...in that moment. *smiles*

Simply put...

2009-06-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way then this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.” - Pablo Neruda

sometimes we over think we over react... we go mental...we get confused... we over complicate things... I love this quote cause there is no but... why... just Love.

Ten Ways to Good Health...

2009-05-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

Less Alcohol, More Tea

Less Meat, More Vegetables

Less Salt, More Vinegar

Less Sugar, More Fruit

Less Eating, More Chewing

Less Words, More Action

Less Greed, More Giving

Less Worry, More Sleep

Less Driving, More Walking

Less Anger, More Laughter

All this on a green tea mug.

Thank you tenno!

If you build it... it will rain.

2009-05-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

I waited until Nate was gone... and pulled a little surprise by design or backyard rescue and hired someone to build a deck... now we've had a few nights to sit out and enjoy this peaceful retreat... just enough to get a taste for it. You know like when you steal a bite of someone's ice cream and then realize that you want/need more and well you just took away that bite that was sure to leave them feeling complete. Yeah... so it's raining... Now when I say it's raining I'm not just saying today I mean it's been raining for more the a couple days... sighs... and I wait... and I dream of sunshine. On a happy note my garden is blessed with growth from the rain so again... you can always find the good!

Maybe...

2009-04-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

it's not letting a job define me.

it's being home long enough to make my house a home.

it's staying in the same house/city for more then two years.

it's finally finding trust.

it's surprising myself with how simple life can be.

it's learning the lesson and moving forward.

it's changing it all or changing nothing.

it's understanding that you don't have control.

it's waking up and realizing that I own my day, I have the freedom of choice I get to do want I want and I get to do it on my time...

I'm not sure how or when it set in... sometime during all the madness known as my life... I am content. I'm at peace. I am finally settled. Time it's an amazing gift.

Fear of the unknown.

2009-02-23T14:26:00.001-08:00

So I still attend Crosspoint when I am in town and I listen to the Podcast when I am away. Just as I left town Pete had just started a series called Paralyzed which was to talk about Fear. You know from this past post that I am not excited about flying.
So...
4:00 AM Kick us off the bus in Toronto, ON.
5:00 AM Airport opens
6:00 AM Breakfast
7:00 AM Shuttle to the small planes terminal
8:00 AM Board the small plane
9:00 AM Delayed for connecting passengers & waiting to de ice
At some point we take off... We are in the air you can now use your ipod...I tune into the "Fear of the Unknown." drinks are served I have some OJ. Trash is picked up. Snacks are offered... just as Pete starts reading Matthew 6:25
do not worry about your life. I hear a loud ding. I pause my ipod. I learn that we will be landing in Toronto. It appears the pilot has become very sick and needs medical attention. I just laughed. Are you serious. We have a rough landing back into Toronto but we make it to the gate safe. We sit. The medic rush's in and tend to the pilot. The people are restless I say a prayer for the pilot and listen to people complain about how they aren't going to make the tee time, etc... and I sit and I Thank God for the fact that I'm on the ground safe. My Aunt Donna told me if you pray for patience he will teach you patience. I prayed for a safe smooth flight and I learned the message from the podcast. I think as soon as you realize that you have no control over your life... You start to live. I read forward in Matthew to 6:34."Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." LOL... yeah okay I get it now.

What am I doing this for?

2008-12-31T17:51:00.001-08:00

This American Life

2008-12-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

My father owns a small 1953 Tripacer and when I am in that tiny little plane I feel safe. However when I fly commercial I tend to get a little nervous. Which would be fine if I fly once a year but sometimes I fly 3 times in a day. One way I deal with this is with my ipod and the podcast of a NPR show called This American Life. Something about the stories. The calm coolness of Ira Glass voice whatever it is it gets me through a flight even the bumpy ones. I get lost in the story and the way they set it up you can close your eyes and see the story unfold. Showtime picked up This American Life and they now are on season two of a TV series and it does not disappoint. The episode above is a great sample. No worries if you get hooked you can download season one from itunes... After watching the main story above I had one of those full circle moments. It's the line at the end when Michael says "I really don't have time to waste on fear."

Admitting that I have a problem.

2008-12-13T08:50:00.000-08:00

It's time I admit that I have a problem. I've joked about it in the past but I need to seriously fess up. I am a chronic furniture mover. There I said it. It's true. I come from a long line of chronic furniture movers. I'm not going to out them but I have family members who have confessed to me that they have a problem. I can laugh it off most days. It's most often the bed. Then when home for more the 48 hours it becomes the whole house. Kitchen Fridge isn't even safe. It's even started to carry over to my road case. It's never in the right spot the best spot the I feel comfortable here spot. Which leads me to finding happiness... maybe I just secretly wanted to be an interior designer and ended up working production? or maybe I just really enjoy change. I've said many times I thrive on chaos so perhaps this just feeds that addiction. Whatever the case may be I see no harm in I look at it as a quirk. I feel better now I am going to put the house back together now. So, do you have any quirks you need to share?

"I don't go all the way."

2008-12-10T14:45:00.000-08:00

13.1 miles. I completed my first half marathon 2 hours 37 minutes. It's amazing what you can do if you set your mind to it. I think having my ipod nano helped. I remember Will Smith at the kick off, Rage Against the Machine at Mile 5, Fergie at Mile 8, and Indigo Girls as I crossed... At that point I was suppose to be doing my cool down walk but didn't quite keep the pace I thought. LOL. It was so much fun and to the person who at mile 12 said to me "you are doing awesome" thanks for that push that seriously helped. Liv and I waited in line for after-the-run snacks and some camera lady shoved a camera in our faces and asked what hurt we both smiled and said we felt great. She pulled the camera away and said we were lying. Lady we both woke up at 5am and just ran 13.1 miles... You really don't want us to go all www smack down on you do you? sighs... anyway.. that day was spent refueling and just relaxing... not so much sore until the very next day when you try to walk down stairs ouch ouch and ouch... but the line of the day was when Olivia said if someone was chasing her right now she wouldn't even be able to run away. it was funny. it was sad but most of all it was true.

Glenwood Hot Springs

2008-11-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

This is a must if you are ever in the area... I had been putting this one off as the thought of being in a swimsuit in the winter in CO seemed a bit insane to me... Now I want a yearly membership! :-) You pay the $13.50... You can rent towels if you don't want to bring them with. You walk into the locker room (bring a 4 Quaters with you) you place your things into a locker and take a quick shower. You step out from the locker rooms and the cold air hits. I went to the closest point of entry which turns out to be where the water comes in at a nice hot 104 degrees... It feels amazing.

Hanging Lake

2008-11-24T18:24:00.000-08:00

Nate and I hiked the Hanging Lake trail...This is the second time we've done this trail. The first hike it was tricky and full of ice. It took us hours! This time it was 55 Degress in Nov. so it wasn't as tricky but it was fun to remember the parts that we had to slide down. This is a great hike it's rated as Moderate/Difficult and has some steep climbs but without the ice is easy!

Here is Nate at the start of the trail...

Pittsburgh, PA - Gluuteny

2008-11-08T17:07:00.001-08:00

Gluten Free Sugar Cookie with Icing! :-)

Yum!

Manchester, NH

2008-11-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

Ashley brought me this mug today from the Red Arrow Diner...

So freaking cute and he matches my case!

Thanks Girl! :-)

Gluten Free Boston

2008-10-30T16:58:00.000-07:00

I found this on my desk just now... Gluten Free Pasta!

Thank You to Matt & Andrew!

Belly Full!

Flaptastic

2008-10-22T18:30:00.000-07:00

Soyon just borrowed my head to fix one of the headbands...

Good Times...

2008-10-17T23:49:00.000-07:00

10.17.08 - Chicago, IL

My 35th Birthday..

My Dad's 66th Birthday.

Happy Birthday to us!

A Newborn

2008-10-08T23:15:00.000-07:00

Rebecca and Thom had a baby boy... Marshall James.

He's pretty cool he eats, poops, and sleeps... typically boy.

Jesus is way cool...

2008-09-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

He could have played guitar better than Hendrix

He could've told the future

He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world

He could've scored more goals then Wayne Gretzky

He could've danced better than Barishnikov

Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of

Jesus was way cool

-King Missile

It's Sunday... I'm in San Diego today working... Sunday's are tough for me. Slow days... Limited time to get items people may need. Seems everyone is on a clock of Noon - 5pm. This allows everyone to go to church in the mornings and evenings... However on the road Sunday becomes just another load in... The emails slow down as it appears most people have this thing called a weekend. I guess a majority of the population is allowed to take Saturday and Sunday off. who knew... so back to Sunday's... Sunday or as I like to refer to it the day of our lord... So with that being said I give you my solution to curing my Sunday blues... the bobble head Jesus.

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

2008-09-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

Kodak Throw Away Camera - $21.00

Ticket to Disneyland - $69.00

Personalized Mouse Ears - $10.00

Stumbling off the bus into a day off with a hotel that offers a free shuttle to Disneyland*... PRICELESS!

*Did I mention it was My First Trip to Disneyland!

I'm more myself when I am with you...

2008-09-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

words spoken from the man that shares my heart...

Lucky

2008-09-06T23:06:00.000-07:00

I just got home from seeing Pat Green at City Hall. At one point during the show my friend Frank Ortega turns and says "There's nothing fake about Pat Green." I am still smiling. Great show, good energy and yes... Frank is right there is nothing fake about Pat Green.

Kinder words...

2008-09-05T21:28:00.000-07:00

Patty Griffin always has amazing songs. She has one called Long Ride Home. Cameron Crowe used it in his movie Elizabethtown. The song is about a man riding home from his wife's funeral. There's a line in the song... "How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead." The line reminds us of what we were told as children "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." Okay then you grow up and well easier said then done. I've had some harsh things said about me and I've said some harsh things in the heat of the moment that I can never take back. I'm still learning how to live life. After all there is no owners manuel. The habit for me is to say the kinder words.

When was the last time someone said Kinder words to you? When was the last time you spoke kind words?

Here's what I got recently.. "Angela, you never find ways to stop helping people, do you?." This was spoken to me by a fellow crew member at Ozzfest after offering to print his boarding pass. It took sometime for it to sink in but when it did it really made me smile *Thanks Stew!

My middle name is Mae.

2008-08-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

A kindred spirit

Mesmerized by your strength

touched by your kindness

You've given us all courage

Never concerned about your own comfort

Always comforting other you gave

Your heart and soul

Always

Taught us a lesson with our inner child

Keep it Simple

A teacher

A mother

A sister

A wife

"Day at a time"

Just when we think we'll never know happiness again

life comes back -AMH

i wrote that for my mom nine years ago...

I was 24 when my mother lost her battle with cancer on 9.8.99

She learned in 1978 that she had malanoma.

For 21 years I had a mother who was a walking miracle

I took that for granted

it's what you do when you are young you disagree

you tell them how wrong they are and how they don't understand you

then one day...

you wake up and you hear words leave your mouth that are almost a direct quote of that person you swore didn't understand you....

turns out...

they really did know.

My Mother's name was Mae.

Small Town

2008-07-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

Nothing like walking out to a garden in the morning and picking some fresh green beans with my daddy. :-) Look how green and fresh! On the lunch menu that day:

Fresh Tomatoes

Fresh Green Beans

Fresh Lettuce...

...No I cannot forget where it is that I come from

I cannot forget the people who love me

Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town

And people let me be just what I want to be.

-JCM

Not planning

2008-07-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

It seems like most of my life I have been told that I must have a plan. A guideline of sort. I'm happy to report that I never really came up with one. It use to really bother me 5 year plan, 10 year plan... what are you doing with your life... I finally figured it out. 34 years & 9 months... My plan is to live. You might be surprised at how much people don't. It's not always easy.

You make people nervous...

Today I was standing at the airport in OKC, OK preparing to check on to a flight back to Nashville when I asked the agent... Got anything flying into St. Louis? He said NO. He said that's it what you have in your hand and I repeated... No sir, not nashville. Do you have anything into St. Louis? He looked like I was taking away his birthday... ma'am there are no more flights to... and I looked him in the eyes... he finally made eye contact with me and typed something into the computer. There is a flight leaving at 4:30 it's been delayed. I'll take it. I dialed my cell phone and on the other end my daddy answered the phone in his familer 'hello" Dad I'll be landing at 6:00pm in St. Louis. "good deal he said I'm on my way." An hour and thirty minutes later I was hugging my dad and eating a great meal at O'Charley's.

Finding happiness is easy if you follow your heart. Dig deep and see what is you really need at that momment. The key here is just that what you need, not everyone else, just you. For me it was hug from my dad turns out it's just what he needed as well. :-)

"It's life sometime you fall"

2008-07-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

"It's life sometimes you fall" -wise words once spoken to me by a 7 yr old.

Healthy Obsession

2008-07-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

I've been traveling for work so Biggie has been with his dad. (he's a joint custody dog) I picked him up last night actually he picked me up... car battery gone wrong... anyway, I missed him a bunch so I thought I would talk about my Healthy Obsession. Biggie. Yes, I love my big white gassy English Bulldog *giggles* I don't care if you think he is spoiled because he thinks you should share whatever it is you are eating. I mean seriously call the dog whisperer guy on me because he growls at me every night at bedtime when I am helping him into the bed. I mean He's 10 years 4 months aka 72 yrs old. He gets to be grumpy at some point in the day. Biggie came into my life about six months after my mother lost her 21 year battle with malenomia. He has outlasted my marriage and lived in 5 states! If you have had the honor of meeting Biggie you understand why in the photo above I am smiling so "Big". I love my dog more then most people get over it. What is your healthy obsession?

Kicking & Screaming...

2008-07-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been pretty busy working on a couple advances: Radio City Christmas Spectacular, Monsters of Rock, and Ozzfest. It's pretty funny one call I am talking about 3 inches of Blood next call I'm talking about where Santa's going to land. When people ask me what tour I'm on I can't help but say Kicking & Screaming. LOL! So what are you working on? Not that it defines you but as a conversation piece?

Learning to Listen...

2008-06-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

My friend Maggie hooked me up with a wonderful church when I lived in Chicago. I loved the messages, the pastor always made me laugh. I haven't lived in Chicago since 2000. I really haven't taken the time to seek out a church since. My excuse is lame to busy just not enough time. My good friend Snelly made a remark about this pastors blog and how she thought she might want to check out his church. I surprised myself and said what are you doing tomorrow let's go. *steps back* wait did I just volunteer to go to church. The girl who was brought up on Jimmy Swaggart and raised Assembly of God. Who was required to clean her room and go to church on Wednesday and Sunday AM/PM if she wanted to go roller skating on Friday nights. Really just said what what are you doing tomorrow let's go. So...we went to crosspoint and something happened. The pastor made me laugh. (He also made me cry but don't you dare tell anyone that!) The lesson was simple yet complex. He even used a vending machine as prop. (I find myself wanting peanut m&m's) Don't pray like God is a vending machine and pick out what you want and walk away. Learn to Listen. He asked everyone to think of the first word you associate with the word Pray. My word was release. I needed a reminder, I didn't know I was missing anything but I stopped to Listen and guess what... I guess I needed me some God. :) *Thanks Snelly* P.S. I also stopped at the CVS and got me some peanut m&m's.

Avoiding your Destiny 101

2008-06-24T07:16:00.000-07:00

I have been running my whole life... I haven't spent more then 2 years in one home. It wasn't always that way I had one house growing up (dad still lives there) At age 17 I left that house and moved to Lumberton, NC to complete my Junior year. I really haven't stopped moving since. I hit the two year mark and off I go. Most people are weary of change and I embrace it. I actually thrive off it. So I find myself looking at October 2008, it marks two years in the 704 square feet mansion I bought in Nashville. So I have started looking at houses in *insert city* as it was time to run. Then I realized something while watching of all things Kung Fu Panda...it was the power of the IMAX effect or something but the wise old turtle Oogway borrows an old french proverb "One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it." jaw to the ground. what. So all this "running" all this time... I turn 35 in October and as gift to myself I will embrace the two year mark feet grounded with a happy heart and a home filled with love.

Don't forget to have a good time...

2008-05-26T13:22:00.001-07:00

They say it takes more muscles to frown then it does to smile (http://www.snopes.com/science/smile.asp) and there for awhile I couldn't seem to find my smile... I think it's back. :-)

Vitamin D

2008-05-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

My friend Olivia says "My Freckles live in Florida." I seriously think she needs to turn this into a T-shirt cause it's true. I think this needs to be a mass print and not just the airbrushed kind she had made at that festival that said "I heart Mike Webb" although that shirt was cool on so many other levels. Sighs... I type this as it pours down rain in Nashville and the weather widget on my mac informs me it's sunny and 81 there and I bet Sprinkles still has that Lime sorbet... How is it that I walked/ran 3 miles everyday there and here I can barely make it to the mailbox and back... I taste that key lime butter grouper, hear sting chanting on the lawn, and I am still laughing about the pink kayak and wonder how a person is suppose to get back into that thing once you fall out...or maybe that's it you just can't fall out? Maybe there is no reset button. Well I know one thing for sure my reset button and my freckles both live in florida. Thanks Liv!

They can't all be happy endings.

2008-05-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

My friend Hilary has had 22 surgery's in the past 2 years. She is currently stuck in a wheelchair while she recovers. However this blog is not about her amazing story (she will need to be the one to tell that) I just want to tell you about a movie she picked out for us to watch "the diving bell and the butterfly...the "true" story of jean do bauby. so after seeing the movie I order the book for two reasons 1. I figure if a man can blink his book out one letter at a time I can find time to read his book. 2. let's hear the real story. Movies always make changes to what they think "we" as and audience will want to see. How messed up is that. Take Nicholas Sparks books for example when they take his books and turn them into movies they change the endings... I've stopped watching...Life isn't always a happy ending.

plays well with others

2008-04-28T11:14:00.000-07:00

Recently watched "Into the Wild" the story of Chris McCandless's life journey. In the movie he writes the words happiness isn't real unless it is shared. Those words have stayed with me... When we are young we are taught to share yet as we grow older we tend to become selfish at a time when we have more to share? I think we all need to go back to preschool days when the report cards reminded us reminded us to play well with others and share.

forgive sounds good...forget I don't like I should..

2008-04-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Ever have someone do something to you that you didn't think you could ever get over...

maybe they muttered ill will toward you, or lied, broke a promise... I was talking to my buddy Luke Lowes and he told me about his pastors most recent service Pastor says write down each person you have not fogiven onto a potato now carry that bag of potatoes around with you wherever you go and by the end of the day you will not want the burden of carrrying around that bag so you will forgive...in that moment I realized that sometimes in life people are going to have there own fears and you can't change that so why carry around all that weight? Today I learn to forgive...weight lifted.

Pooh, Poo or just plain Sh*!

2008-04-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

"Well" Said Pooh, "what I like best..." and then he had to top and think. Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but didn't know what it was called. - Winnie The Pooh

It hit me when I was picking up my dog's poo... Happiness.

Why then why? Simple... I was at the start of walking my dog and walking my dog makes him very happy and him being happy is a basic abc to my happiness.

There are moments in life right before you get the sweet stuff that we should learn to enjoy...even if that means putting up with some Sh*!

motherless child

2008-03-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

It was raining when I found out she had passed...

I wanted to cry but I couldn't.

I was going to be strong for you because I knew what life without a mother was like.

I knew the challenges...I was going to be strong. Then I saw you.

We held hands and we laughed, We held hands and we cried.

To young to not have mothers, two sisters gone to cancer.

Two woman left behind to pick up the pieces and carry on.

You with your husband and your sweet baby girl and me with a life I can never explain...

So much more then just a mothers child.