2000 to 2010

10 years ago I was still hung over from Y2-OK. It was the first full year of "our" marriage. "we" lived in Chicago. It was the first year I would have to learn to live without being able to pick up the phone to call my mother. It was also the year I would have to accept the fact that my father married my mother's sister. I was lost. I was scared. I was very much alone even when I had people around me. I drank to forget. I stumbled through... we all watched with horror as the home land was attacked... "we" had just moved to New Mexico (for his work) and I was home alone when Marlon called to tell me to turn on the TV. I sat in the closet with Biggie not sure where to go or what to do until it was time to go to class... Life slowed down people everywhere started being a little nicer. I bought a Harley and learned to ride it, I finished my college degree. "we" moved to Paris, Arkansas (for his work) "we" gutted a house and tried to hold on to what was left. Half way into that decade I gave up and said good bye to "we" so "he" could always remain a friend. *side note that's harder to type then I thought* I began a journey on my own... I got by with a little help from my friends. I spent a few night's at the Larese's, I lived on Shevy's sofa, The Worlow's opened up thier guest room and I slowly began to rebuild myself. A year in a rental house with my amazing friend Blu and then in Octobor of 2006 I took a big leap and bought a house only to be fired (for the first time ever in my life) one month later. *that was a harder hit then I would ever admit* I was thankful to my friend Joe who taught me the baby steps I stood back up dusted off my pride and jumped back in. I slung cotton and snapped some photos and honestly just regained my sanity. slowly. I started making it happen. I found out what happens when you don't take good care of yourself (fyi you end up in the ER with a BIg bill) I put down the bottle and I repaired my relationship with God. I found love again... found out how far it can really test you and how strong it can be if you hold on. I reconnected with those who I had lost and although they may not realize they make me smile with the most simple status updates or the "thumbs up" of a photo and they all helped in many ways to keep me sane as I left the comfort of Nashville (USA) for work. I traveled farther which allowed me to I find out that at the end of the day Home really is HOME SWEET HOME.

In 2010...

I want to chose my words a little better. . I will speak up. I will learn to ENJOY life and NOT STRESS about what is next. I will Learn to TRUST and to BELIEVE in myself and those around me. I will RUN phycially and not mentally.

New Year

2010 & 2009


It's January 1, 2010. Feeling pretty good about it. Not sure why just seems to be good. I started with getting the first flight of the year out of the way then going direct from BNA to my friend Carolyn's house for her ease into the New Year party. Carolyn is an amazing woman who I realized tonight that I have "been knowing now" for over TEN years! :-) Snell is the reason I started blogging and she is the reason I got back in to touring. I heart her. I just needed to share.

Standing up, Sitting down and no I'm not talking about Mass.

It's recently been brought to my attention that I am not very good at something... I know... Don't faint... turns out I'm not very keen on asking for help. They say the first step is admitting right. so There it is. :o) Nothing more for now...

Right back where you started from is where you belong...

Walking to my seat I passed front of house and glanced over to the mix position. When I arrived to my seat, house left on second row (Thanks DC), I looked  and noticed the video wall, next it was the spot ops hanging out in the truss about ten of them, the details in the Tait staging... the movement and the colors of the lights, the monitor mix position and the use of wedges and not in ears... the ushers, the security... Then my focus turned to the crowd... there was a guy in front of me with a Big K- Kmart hat with his girlfriend or wife.. Elton was busting out a not as well know tune and he knew when the drums hit he knew when the guitar came in he was on his feet and standing and he was conducting that song... his girlfriend/wife was laughing at him but he carried on. I realized then that I was now standing and clapping along my focus turned to Elton's hands as they flowed over the keys... he mentions the greatest Rock -n-Roll woman ever to live and states "I'm not talking about Janis Joplin, I'm talking about Nashville's own Brenda Lee. The crowd goes wild and the sweet gray haired woman in the seat next to me stands up all four foot eight inches... and waves as Elton begins "Blue jean baby..." It was in this moment that I felt a smile on my face that went ear to ear...as Billy began his set I left my seat and walked backstage to grab a water and help my friend pack up his cases and we sat in the production office and shared a few yawns and a laughs.  However for just awhile I forgot about drivers, dressing rooms, runners, bus-stock, catering, fluff and fold, after show food...and I needed a reminder from that angle. I'm home now but I will be out again soon on the circus...I guess it's true that sometimes right back where you started from is where you belong...in that moment. *smiles*

Simply put...

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way then this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.” - Pablo Neruda

sometimes we over think we over react... we go mental...we get confused... we over complicate things... I love this quote cause there is no but... why... just Love.

Ten Ways to Good Health...

Less Alcohol, More Tea

Less Meat, More Vegetables

Less Salt, More Vinegar

Less Sugar, More Fruit

Less Eating, More Chewing

Less Words, More Action

Less Greed, More Giving

Less Worry, More Sleep

Less Driving, More Walking

Less Anger, More Laughter

All this on a green tea mug. 

Thank you tenno!

If you build it... it will rain.

I waited until Nate was gone... and pulled a little surprise by design or backyard rescue and hired someone to build a deck... now we've had a few nights to sit out and enjoy this peaceful retreat... just enough to get a taste for it. You know like when you steal a bite of someone's ice cream and then realize that you want/need more and well you just took away that bite that was sure to leave them feeling complete. Yeah... so it's raining... Now when I say it's raining I'm not just saying today I mean it's been raining for more the a couple days... sighs... and I wait... and I dream of sunshine. On a happy note my garden is blessed with growth from the rain so again... you can always find the good!

Maybe...

it's not letting a job define me.

it's being home long enough to make my house a home.

it's staying in the same house/city for more then two years.

it's finally finding trust.

it's surprising myself with how simple life can be.

it's learning the lesson and moving forward.

it's changing it all or changing nothing.

it's understanding that you don't have control. 

it's waking up and realizing that I own my day, I have the freedom of choice I get to do want I want and I get to do it on my time...

I'm not sure how or when it set in... sometime during all the madness known as my life... I am content. I'm at peace. I am finally settled. Time it's an amazing gift. 

Fear of the unknown.

So I still attend Crosspoint when I am in town and I listen to the Podcast when I am away. Just as I left town Pete had just started a series called Paralyzed which was to talk about Fear. You know from this past post that I am not excited about flying.
So...
4:00 AM Kick us off the bus in Toronto, ON.
5:00 AM Airport opens
6:00 AM Breakfast
7:00 AM Shuttle to the small planes terminal
8:00 AM Board the small plane
9:00 AM Delayed for connecting passengers & waiting to de ice
At some point we take off... We are in the air you can now use your ipod...I tune into the "Fear of the Unknown." drinks are served I have some OJ. Trash is picked up. Snacks are offered... just as Pete starts reading Matthew 6:25
do not worry about your life. I hear a loud ding. I pause my ipod. I learn that we will be landing in Toronto. It appears the pilot has become very sick and needs medical attention. I just laughed. Are you serious. We have a rough landing back into Toronto but we make it to the gate safe. We sit. The medic rush's in and tend to the pilot. The people are restless I say a prayer for the pilot and listen to people complain about how they aren't going to make the tee time, etc... and I sit and I Thank God for the fact that I'm on the ground safe. My Aunt Donna told me if you pray for patience he will teach you patience. I prayed for a safe smooth flight and I learned the message from the podcast. I think as soon as you realize that you have no control over your life... You start to live. I read forward in Matthew to 6:34."Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." LOL... yeah okay I get it now.