Sometimes she appears in my dreams and we have the most amazing conversations that I can't remember when I arise I just know that she's stopped by. It's not very often that she appears but she does it from time to time I think mainly to let me know that she misses me as much as I miss her. It always makes me wonder how life would be different if she were still here. If we'd go weeks without talking only to talk on the phone for a few minutes cause we're all so "busy" and I wonder If she is proud of me. If she would understand and accept the choices that I have made in my life. I still to this day reach out to the phone and try to dial her number... with hopes. It angers me that I didn't have the chance to ask her questions about "grown up" life and if I am doing it all wrong? Sometimes I wonder if I do enough? or if I do to much?
I can be so strong when it comes to talking about her... most days... but mothers day guts me. I'm not sure if it's the marketing the in your face reminder or if it's a simple memory of mothers day cards that I so often hand crafted for her out of construction or maybe it's the awareness that she really is gone. Regardless of what it is my heart is full of love today cause I was blessed to have a mom. a strong christian mother who taught me strength and the ability to look at things for the good. To let go and let God. To take life one day at a time. Oh and that a little Carrot Juice isn't going to hurt anyone.
Happy Mother's Day. If your mom is still alive give her a big hug for me the kind where you don't let go right away and you hold onto and you remember. After all if it wasn't for mommas we wouldn't be here. :o)
