I believe in you...

I was in tears when I heard Neil Young perform this song... I hadn't enjoyed a live concert in years and Neil made me feel music again. It's funny how much words can change your day and your outcome... I have some amazing friends and I don't always get to see them or tell them this but just knowing the challenges they have overcome they remind me that I can and I will... It's that simple.  

PS the lighting was amazing! :o) 

Now that you found yourself losing your mind
Are you here again?
Finding that what you once thought was real
Is gone, and changing?

Now that you made yourself love me
Do you think I can change it in a day?
How can I place you above me?
Am I lying to you when I say
That I believe in you
I believe in you.

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.

cold wet nose

and a great big heart

with unconditional love

living in the moment

with no judgements

you were the rescue

and you rescued me.

lost without directions

my walls up high

you comforted me

you repaired my heart

over and over again

taught me how to love

reminded me to smile

I never thought walking out the door that morning that would be my last goodbye. It was early and I had a flight to catch and you always did like to sleep in. I recall you didn't really even want to give me a kiss but I being the only thing more stubborn then you won that battle. I walked out the door and that was it... I've always hated goodbyes the last time I saw my mother I ran into the house three times and hugged her while Kate sat with the car ready to go in her green Chevy impala you'll be back in a few weeks for the wedding she said but I knew better... Something had told me that this was it and I kept running back inside to get the good bye right... but Biggie must have been the one to know... he waited... he waited for Nate to return home. The vets didn't even know. You had all the right tests run yet you waited till you were cleared... I guess you were just tired and maybe ready to take that big nap in the sky. I can tell you I was not... I was not prepared for nor looking back would I have ever been. You knew this after all you knew me better then anyone. It was you who entered my life the Easter after mom passed. You found me. Lost and needing a home. Rescued they say... so foolish as you rescued me. That first mothers day you licked away my tears and you just sat with me. I never had to be anything but me for you. You defined unconditional love. When I got the call at six am from Nate and he handed me to the vet the second he said your stomach had flipped,  I stumbled into the front lounge and dropped to my knees. I was so scared and so alone in that moment. I managed to finally get words out. Biggie wasn't in pain he was on morphine... mom was on morphine... searching for the ability to just breathe I realized the only option, sadness and questions I have so much... the what ifs and the whys... I tired to say good bye to you on the phone but I was crying so hard I question if the words where forming and if you even knew it was me. Nate said you perked up when you heard my voice... I told Biggie when he got to heaven that there would be a lady named Mae there that never really cared much for dogs but that she would look after him for me. Biggie was more to me then "just a dog" he was my whole world.. he was my heart, my angel flying to close to the ground. 


Before I left for tour I was able to spend six months with Biggie and for that I am eternally grateful. He was a 13 and a half year old English Bulldog so walks had to be slowed down and shorter. He took time to sniff the air and feel the wind. He smiled with each step. He was proud. He loved company and loved napping with his buddy Nate.  You see each day when a dog awakes he's not worried about what to wear or how his hair looks or that extra five pounds. It's simple they live in the moment, they don't judge and they love unconditionally. Simple needs Food, Water, Shelter and Love. Sounds like a pretty good plan to me. Here we go one step at a time...